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Synopsis:

The brilliant scientist, Portage McPeeve, does not want to take over the world.

He’s discovered a way to travel the stars, using them as gateways into other realities. With his Gateway Manipulator, he hopes to rule all the worlds of the multi-verse with an iron fist. However, when his beloved kitten becomes lost through the machine, he does not hesitate to cast plans for multi-world domination aside; instead, he follows her through the cosmos – encountering zombies, higher education for Supers, Greek gods, and killer ninjas along the way.

Will Portage find Mrs. Bumblefrost before it’s too late?

Episode #24

“Aaaaaa-cho!”

All heads turned toward Raw Power, the brunette beauty attired in red spandex and a sparkling silver cape. “Sorry, guys. I’m allergic to cats.”

The culprit in question wrapped herself around the female super’s ankles, meowing to be picked up.

“I’m sorry, sweety,” said the woman. “It’s not your fault.”

Everyone stared.

“I have allergy medicine,” she said, “but I didn’t take it.”

Knitizen Kane looked at the brunette hero in horror. “You mean, you don’t take it everyday?”

“Hey, gimme a break, Knitizen,” said Raw Power. She paused to dab her streaming eyes with her silver cape. “It’s usually not an issue. I mean, a cat and some weird woman don’t normally wander into class.”

Knitizen, who had been patting the terrified woman’s hands in a futile effort to comfort her, dropped them suddenly to assume a heroic pose. Legs out, hands on hips, all he lacked was a breeze to blow his own cape behind him. “Weird woman!” he cried, ready to jump to the stranger’s defence, “she’s not, uh…” He looked behind him at the woman’s stained bathrobe, matted hair, and wild eyes. “Um, she’s not… weird.” The woman behind him couldn’t control her shaking. “I mean,” he said, “she’s a stranger, but that doesn’t mean she’s strange, just that we haven’t met her before, so she’s only strange in that– ”

“Can it, Knitizen,” said the Feminist. “You’re babbling.” She returned her attention to the silver android. “You were saying you know what’s going on with her?”

“Actually, what I said was…” There was a brief pause as a recording played, ‘“My super hero alias is ‘Metallic Fury’ and I’ve already analysed the situation.‘”

“Ok, ok,” said the Feminist, “just tell us-”

“First,” said Metallic Fury, “I suggest the kitten be brought back to the woman as soon as possible. Time is of the essence.”

Raw Power, with puffed eyes and a running nose, muttered something about a hero’s work never being done and bent to pick up the small bundle of fur. Mrs. Bumblefrost meowed as she was held at arms length by the suffering woman until she was placed in the arms of Alice once again. As soon as the terrified woman clutched the kitten in her arms, the android shot a beam of golden light at the duo. Both figures caught within the glow stopped moving.

“How are you doing, sis’?” asked Armed Justice, the muscular blond man near the front.

“Enduring,” sniffed Raw Power. “But I think the better question is ‘What did android do to them?” She stared at the frozen figures bathed in golden light. “Android, what did you do?”

“Metallic Fury,” corrected the android. “And I saved them, at least, temporarily.”

“What do you mean?” asked Armed Justice. “Saved from what?”

“It is difficult to explain with both brevity and clarity,” said Metallic Fury, “but I prevented them from falling out of our universe. Two separate space-time rifts were forming around them; however, by confining them to a smaller area together, I was able to contain them within a single stasis field. Their close proximity was essential, since my systems are unable to generate more than a single beam of sufficient-” The android paused, noting the confused faces of its audience. “Perhaps it would be more efficient if you directed my explanation with questions. I told you this would be difficult.”

“You saved them,” said Armed Justice, “from a rift?”

“Is this something that will happen to others,” said Raw Power, her words muffled through her hanky. “Is anyone else in danger of falling through the universe?”

“What do you mean ‘our’ universe?” asked the Feminist.

Metallic Fury remained facing the frozen woman and kitten, but addressed the latter question first. “These two beings are not from our universe, but from another point in the multi-verse.” Exclamations rang out, shouts of disbelief and dissent, but the android waited until the cries died down before continuing. “Their molecular signatures were out of phase and fluctuating wildly. The evidence from my scans clearly indicates they do not belong in our universe. Within the confines of my-”

“-Freeze beam!” shouted the red haired youth, a broad smile on his face. The other supers paused and gaped. “What?” said the Optimist, “it’s not everyday we get to name a new power for Android-”

“-Metallic Fury,” insisted the android.

“-and besides, we just found out that not only are we NOT alone in the universe, but there’s more than just OUR universe!” He grinned. “You don’t have to be an optimist to see that as a wonderful thing; right?”

“It depends on whether the rest of the multi-verse is friendly or not,” answered Knitizen, anxiously watching the frozen woman. “She seems harmless enough, but what if she was running from something? What if something’s chasing her?”

“And how the hell did she get in here without anyone noticing?” asked the Feminist.

“She fell through a tear in reality,” said Metallic Fury, “a sufficient – if rather over-simplified and poetic – explantion of the phenomenon.”

“Tear?” said the Feminist. Though her tone was as authoratative as ever, her voice quivered.

The android noted that Knitizen Kane kept his knitting needles tucked into the elastic belt of his costume; he had found a ball of yarn in a nearby basket and tossed it from hand to hand.

Metallic Fury observed the other supers. The rear mounted camera in the back of its head allowed for a complete view of the classroom without the necessity of turning away from the woman and cat. “If I had not anchored them to this reality with the-” There was an almost undetectable pause, as though the android was reluctant to use the term, before it continued, “-freeze beam, in moments, they would have been gone.”

“Where would they go?” asked the Vegan Avenger. “Should we even keep them here if they don’t belong here?” The android saw that Vegan had put her hand near her pockets where she kept pamphlets ready for rapid distribution. In battle situations, papercuts could be a real bitch.

Armed Justice and Raw Power both clenched their fists, though Power pressed hers against her still-streaming eyes.

“She might need protection if she’s running from something,” said Knitizen.

“We could protect her,” said the Optimist, gripping his coffee mug tightly. Half full or half empty, villains never cared to have hot coffee thrown in their faces.

“Being on alert is wise,” said Metallic Fury, “though there is not enough data to determine whether this is an artificial phenomenon. The woman and her feline traveling through our space may be harmless, but there is no way to determine this without further evidence. However, given the woman’s frightened nature, it would seem that either she had no control of her situation or that she was being pursued in some way. Caution seems the prudent course.”

The supers waited for further explanation.

“However, once again, I must point out there is insufficient data to draw conclusions. This may be a natural phenomenon, though often the term ‘natural’ is assumed to mean ‘harmless.’ This may not be the case.”

“Explain,” said the Feminist.

“A volcanic eruption is natural,” said the android, facing the frozen pair while monitoring the rising pulses of the surrounding supers, “yet it is devasting to populations that live near the lava flow.”

“So what are you really saying?” asked Knitizen; his hands still hovered near his knitting needles.

Metallic Fury paused. In its memory banks, it accessed knowledge gleaned from experience during its former life; humans often paused for dramatic effect. Instead of simply relating the facts, the time interval allowed tension to build. Although it was now a highly sophisticated machine and no longer susceptible to those sort of cheap tricks, it did see the usefulness of applying the technique in order to secure the other supers’ attention.

“This may be something you can not fight.”

.

**All episodes listed here.

**Look for the next exciting installment of Pinholesnext Tuesday, same cat-time, same cat-channel… uh, blog. I mean, blog.

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Synopsis:

The brilliant scientist, Portage McPeeve, does not want to take over the world.

He’s discovered a way to travel the stars, using them as gateways into other realities. With his Gateway Manipulator, he hopes to rule allthe worlds of the multi-verse with an iron fist. However, when his beloved kitten becomes lost through the machine, he does not hesitate to cast plans for multi-world domination aside; instead, he follows her through the cosmos – encountering zombies, higher education for Supers, Greek gods, and killer ninjas along the way.

Will Portage find Mrs. Bumblefrost before it’s too late?

Episode #23

Portage groaned as he sat up from the cold, concrete floor, and held his hand to the back of his throbbing head. His vision swam, then solidified until he stared at the heavy wooden door once more. Light shone briefly from its locks and chains. He scanned his surroundings, and the scientist noted the floor he sat upon in more detail.

“What the hell…?” he said, struggling to stand, pushing himself into an upright position. The apartment’s previous occupant had left no flat surface untouched, including the floor; Portage realized, to his dismay, that he stood upon the image of a large yellow sphere painted on the concrete. He didn’t remember noticing that detail earlier, but he should have. Still, head injuries complicated things. He couldn’t trust his senses at the moment.

What happened? he thought. Where’s my Gateway home?

He hadn’t expected to see the familiar, glowing orb from his home universe. In alternate realities, no flash of light announced the appearance of him or Mrs. Bumblefrost. However, his Gateway, the one he used to enter the apartment, should still be there – albeit invisible to normal sight. But there was nothing. No Gateway home, no way to return to his own place in the multi-verse. And what was worse, his metabolic phase shift – different from every other universe than his own – would soon compell him to fall through into another reality, and then another, unless he found his Gateway soon.

He could fall forever.

Then who would rescue Mrs. Bumblefrost?

He stepped back to better view the rest of the floor. There were glowing circles spaced throughout the area- what he had taken, at first, to be a pattern of polka dots was actually a series of paintings; each one featuring a different scene inside a bright yellow ring. He turned his gaze up toward the other art scattered throughout the apartment. Several of the scenes repeated themselves. The glowing circles… could it be?

“OK,” he said to no one. “OK.” If he kept repeating it, maybe things would be. “OK, so if she can travel through Gateways naturally, is it an evolutionary advantage? Or maybe a product of her environment?” He wandered around, hoping – stupidly – to blunder into another Gateway. Panic gripped him, interfering with his reasoning.

“Think, Portage, think.” My minion’s watching the machine, he thought. After all, it’s a prototype. She must be recalibrating it right now. He comforted himself, she’s more than capable. It’s just a momentary delay. I have nothing to worry about.

Still, only a fool wouldn’t work on a contingency plan. He fingered the samples in his pockets, along with the scanner gun he had brought along. Maybe he could adjust the gun’s settings, take the device apart, and use the pieces to boost his signal. It might not be safe, but if he ran out of time, falling through the universe would be much less so. His minion was capable and loyal and baked the world’s best chocolate chip cookies, but even so he couldn’t put all his hopes on her. He had to do something.

He brought out his scanner gun and examined the mechanism. Then he began disassembling the machine.

Mrs. Bumblefrost, he thought, don’t worry. I’ll find you soon.

**All episodes listed here.

**Look for the next exciting installment of Pinholesnext Tuesday, same cat-time, same cat-channel… uh, blog. I mean, blog.

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Hey, Diddle Diddle

She’d been a dish her whole life, porcelain features that shined in the moonlight that streamed through the farmer’s window. She had never had companions like herself, but rather was singled out for her beauty and displayed on a shelf. Loneliness made her wretched and desperately she reached out to those closest to her – in proximity if not station. “What do you see?” she asked the egg, a gaudy oval painted the colors of spring by the farmer’s son, but he sat next to her on the high shelf and sulked that he hadn’t been allowed in the basket with his brothers and sisters. Silence was his only answer.

Irritated by his inattention, she addressed herself to the utensils in the wooden box below. “Hey, what do YOU see?” she asked again. She despaired of an answer from ones so far below her, but, to her delight, a gleaming silver spoon sung out, “A cow!” Sure enough, a bovine-shaped cloud passed before the moon. Enchanted by his answer, as well as the spell of the fairy Queen, she ran away with him. A yellow tabby played the fiddle at their wedding. He donned black leather boots for the occasion, so polished that they gleamed. At least, he played until the neighborhood mongrel pointed at him with one mangy paw and hooted with laughter. The enraged feline threw his instrument at the offending mutt and tore after him, claws extended.

Mab’s laughter filled the dark Meadow; she was delighted with the chaos she had caused. The dish and spoon enjoyed an extended honeymoon, and the poor farmer, whose home had been the scene of such revelry and violence, resolved never to eat mushrooms again.

*The above flash is my entry for Flash Mob 2013, the International Flash Fiction Day competition. Though the actual day isn’t until June 22nd, my story needed to be posted before June 10th so that I could include a link with my submission. I hope you enjoyed my literal fantasy (oxymoron?) take on a nonsense poem.

*image courtesy of BigFoto.com

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Since the year began in January, I haven’t shared any of my other projects through my podcast. Unfortunately, my home life became more hectic, as did my son’s homeschooling, and due to time constraints I took a hiatus from recording the My Writing Niche podcast. However, as today is my son’s last day of 6th grade (Virtual School), I’m looking forward to at least a couple months of reduced workload.

My blog has recently gotten an overhaul, in order to add some new features such as social media links. I also wanted to update the look of the blog.  Actually, the new blog theme is generic, but the look seems sleeker and more modern.

So, what’s going on? If you are new to the blog, I’ve been posting weekly instalments of my humorous, science fiction novel, Pinholes: Traveling through the Curtain of the Night, each Tuesday since January. Almost every episode is less than 1,000 words, short enough to read in a few minutes, and if you need to catch up quickly, the Pinholes page link at the top gives a quick, general synopsis of what’s happened.

I’ve recently begun writing new flash stories, at least once a week, at the Six Minute Story site. The website is set up to give writers a prompt, along with a timer, and six minutes to create a story. It’s free to join, and after you’ve written a certain amount, you are also allowed to edit. Before that, once the timer goes off, you can’t write or edit anything. If you are interested in checking out some of my six minute flash at the site, here’s the link to my stories. Be kind.

Also, I continue to do book reviews for the Functional Nerds website. Functional Nerds is a wonderful podcast that focuses on science fiction and other nerdy things, and I urge you to listen to them. They’re both informative and hilarious.

Once a month I also do a post for the Friday Flash website. In April, I began a new monthly series of posts that highlight obscure holidays that writers might enjoy. It’s been a lot of fun, and I hope everyone enjoys reading the posts as much as I enjoy writing them. Of course, my favorite obscure holiday is Towel Day, the fan-created holiday celebrating the life and work of Douglas Adams.

And last but not least, beginning in June, I’ll be participating in some local writing workshops! I’m very excited about this, since normally I can’t afford the travel and other expenses associated with those types of events. However, a local library is holding free workshops this summer. I’ll be attending a three week course on writing a novel as well as a six-month Intro to Fiction course. The latter meets monthly and focuses on giving and receiving feedback from a group. I’m nervous but also looking forward to the experience.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for your patience and your time. You can find new installments of my Pinholes serial every Tuesday on my blog, as well as reading more of my other work through the above-mentioned sites. I always welcome polite feedback. Say hello to me on Twitter or Facebook,  and I’ll do my best to respond. Have a lovely day.

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So here are THE RULES*

1. Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog.
2. Link to the person who nominated you.
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
4. Pass it on to a few cheery souls.

10. Favorite TV Shows?
Doctor Who, Star Trek (any of them), Dollhouse, and Firefly. I’ve watched most of these via Netflix since we don’t have cable. Pre-Netflix I borrowed the DVDs from the library (mostly special-ordered them). I was so addicted to Dollhouse, I’d wait for it to come to Hulu (for free) and watch the episodes that way so I didn’t need to wait.

Since I already recently nominated several people for The Super Sweet Blogging Award, I’m going to pick different fantastic people this time.

And the nominees are…

1. Tim VanSant (@TimVanSant)

2. Larry Kollar (@FARfetched58)

3. Jack Holt (@JackkHolt)

This is just one way of saying that I always enjoy your work. Thank you for all you do.

#

*See how it put it all in CAPS to show how important it was? Clever, right?

**I just can’t help myself.

***Did I mention I’m also addicted to puns?

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 Synopsis:

The brilliant scientist, Portage McPeeve, does not want to take over the world.

He’s discovered a way to travel the stars, using them as gateways into other realities. With his Gateway Manipulator, he hopes to rule all the worlds of the multi-verse with an iron fist. However, when his beloved kitten becomes lost through the machine, he does not hesitate to cast plans for multi-world domination aside; instead, he follows her through the cosmos – encountering zombies, higher education for Supers, Greek gods, and killer ninjas along the way.

Will Portage find Mrs. Bumblefrost before it’s too late?

Episode #22

Snap and Hephaestus conspired over the warm, electric glow of the Gateway Manipulator, or rather Hephaestus watched Snap work on the machine. She made calculations, adjusted settings, and did other things he didn’t understand, but the way the dimensional portal lit the space behind her made her look like an angel. The light formed a halo; the stray hairs that escaped her loose ponytails seemed alight with golden fire. He sighed.

“What is it?” Snap asked, tossing one of her long ponytails behind her in irritation. “Are you alright?” When she looked up from her work, the light reflecting off her glasses made her eyes glow.

“Ye-Yes,” he sputtered. “I was just wondering… how this thing works.”

Snap opened her mouth to reply, then reconsidered.

“Not all the technical details,” he added hurriedly. “Unless you can give them to me in layman’s terms. I just meant, well… how are we supposed to track this cat?”

“Do you really want to know?” asked Snap.

“Well…” Hephaestus looked uncertain. “Ummm, you say he needs this cat for his nefarious plans?”

“Ruling the multi-verse?” Snap laughed. “Well, I don’t know if I would go that far, but he needs her.”

“Why?”

“Why?” repeated Snap. “You’re asking me?”

“Ummm.” What does she expect me to say to that? Hephaestus thought. I phrased it as a question; right? “You don’t know?”

“Well, it’s probably something to do with his dad,” replied Snap, pausing to recheck her handiwork.

“Why?

“Is that all you know how to say?” she asked.

“Ummmm.”

“Listen, I already told you his father gave him the cat, and his father wasn’t what you would call a generous person. Come here.” She pointed to the machine. “See how this is set up? I put some of Mrs. Bumblefrost’s fur in here – it’s all over the damn place-”

Potty mouth, thought the super – but kept his own mouth shut.

Snap took a wad of black fur and placed it in a small compartment. “Anyway, if I have to clean the damn stuff up from around here, at least now it comes in handy; right?

“Uh, yeah. I guess.”

“So the genetic sequencer locks onto her genetic code; then I hit this setting here.” She pressed a button. “And I set this to ‘scan.’” She typed a code into the machine. “And voilà!”

“Voilà?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you spoke French.”

Snap rolled her eyes, but she turned before he could see. She didn’t know why, but she enjoyed the big lug’s company. Seriously, she thought, it’s not like he can help me with the machine. She stopped to consider. Why was she keeping him around?

Well, having him here will certainly piss off Portage, she realized, smiling. Oh yeah, that must be it.

She looked over her shoulder at the hero in the construction outfit, complete with spandex and a bright red cape. And after all, she noted to herself, he’s also kind of cute.

**All episodes listed here.

**Look for the next exciting installment of Pinholes next Tuesday, same cat-time, same cat-channel… uh, blog. I mean, blog.

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The lovely Estrella Azul (@estrellaazul) nominated me for the Super Sweet Blogging Award. I’m not quite sure what I did to deserve it,  but I appreciate the nomination. Per the rules, I’m supposed to:

Thank the Super Sweet Blogger that nominated me.
Answer five Super Sweet questions.
Include the Super Sweet Blogging award image in my blog post.
Nominate a baker’s dozen (13) other bloggers.
Notify your nominees on their blog.

The 5 Super Sweet Questions:

Cookies or Cake?

Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies. Duh.
Chocolate or Vanilla?

You have to ask? For the uninitiated, I prefer chocolate. (See cookie choice above.)
Favorite Sweet Treat?

I don’t know. I adore fresh baked vegan chocolate chip cookies, but I also love lemon marmalade on tea biscuits and So Delicious Mint Marble Fudge soy ice-cream.
When do you crave sweet things the most?

Um, always.
Sweet Nick Name?

Do you mean a nick name that I’d like to have? How about Her Majesty?

And now I’m going to ignore the rules, just nominate some bloggers whose work I love, and notify them via Twitter (since I’ve already visited all their blogs very recently). There are really too many to list. Also, I’m not really clear what the qualifications are,  so I’m just going to name a few of my favorites.

Helen Howell

Tony Noland

John Wiswell

Icy Sedgwick

Angie Capozello

I hope you take this award in the spirit of was meant. Thank you all for being awesome.

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Four Years

Of course, the first year was the worst. People dying, then rising to feed on those yet alive. The human body takes anywhere from a few weeks to months to decompose, – years if they remain buried – so the walking dead only remained threats so long as they were relatively… fresh. The problem lay in the newly infected, but as the population decreased, died, rose, then decayed like their predecessors, the danger diminished.

Rosa always carried her crowbar with her, just in case. Old habits died hard, like the infected bodies she protected herself against, but after four years she had become coolly efficient in their disposal. Not that it was really necessary. Time did the job more effectively than she ever could.

Of course, the real problem was that the dead weeded out the living more quickly than time weeded them. Now, Rosa was left alone. She would make her way North to colder climes and – just maybe – other survivors. If the cold killed the virus, the north might be plague free.

Then again, didn’t cold preserve bodies?

After four years of fear, sweat, pain, and finally loneliness, she didn’t give a damn. She’d take her chances.

THE END?

If you are interested, I wrote an alternate ‘Four’ themed story at the six minute story site.

Today’s flash was written in honor of Friday Flash, which began four years ago on May 29th.  As part of the celebration,  I’m participating in the fourth anniversary blog hop by posting a flash of less than four hundred words, along with the adorable image by Angie Capozello, and linking back to the site itself. I urge you to read some of the other wonderful stories linked there.

Friday Flash is a twitter meme where authors post a flash of less than one thousand words, then post a link on Twitter under the hashtag #FridayFlash. It’s expanded onto other social platforms as well, but it’s a wonderful, supportive community of authors and readers. I’ve been participating in #FridayFlash for years, and I’m always amazed at the quality of work from contributors. Treat yourself, and check out FridayFlash.

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Synopsis:

The brilliant scientist, Portage McPeeve, does not want to take over the world.

He’s discovered a way to travel the stars, using them as gateways into other realities. With his Gateway Manipulator, he hopes to rule all the worlds of the multi-verse with an iron fist. However, when his beloved kitten becomes lost through the machine, he does not hesitate to cast plans for multi-world domination aside; instead, he follows her through the cosmos – encountering zombies, higher education for Supers, Greek gods, and killer ninjas along the way.

Will Portage find Mrs. Bumblefrost before it’s too late?

PART II

Episode #21

The superhero, Hephaestus – scourge of the wicked, fighter of evil doers, and foe of the unjust – watched as Ms. Snap Decision made the final adjustments on the machine. The glowing sphere crackled once more to life. “Ready?” he asked his new partner, former minion of the nefarious Doctor Portage McPeeve.

Snap Decision dutifully nodded her head, glasses reflecting electric fire.

Soon the Gateway stabilized to a round orb that shone softly against the laboratory’s fluorescent lighting. The link between worlds had been established. Peering through the portal, they gazed into another world.

#

A young woman in a fluffy white robe appeared in the corner of the class holding a small bundle of fur, but no one noticed. The classroom’s fluorescent lighting was already blinding; no flash of light alerted others to her arrival with her small companion. Her disheveled hair hung over wild eyes; the front of her robe sported several bright red stains that repeated themselves upon her fingertips. The hum of sewing machines drowned out her small whimpers.

“No, no, no,” said a large, muscular man with flowing blond hair, addressing himself to a balding man struggling to load a fresh needle into a mechanism. “Look, let me show you.”

“It’s so much easier with knitting needles, A.J,” said the older man.

His brawny companion scowled. “Hey, do you want my help or not, KNITIZEN KANE?”

“Fine, ARMED JUSTICE,” replied the frustrated tailor, leaning back to make room. “In knitting there’s only two stitches, and you don’t have to mess about with all these-” He looked up and waved his arms at the machines, suddenly noticing the hunched figure by the wall. “- uh… gadgets?”

His gesticulations earned another scowl from his companion, until the blond hunk followed the other man’s stare. In the far corner of the room, his eyes lit upon the small woman holding a kitten. “Oh my gods!” He rushed over and examined the red stains. “Are you hurt?”

Soon other students surrounded them. The woman recoiled, shrinking into the corner, clutching the cat to her chest. “Back up, guys! Can’t you see she’s freaked?” said a thin, red-haired youth. His green eyes peeked out from a pale, freckled face. “Give her some room. Jeez!”

The others grudgingly obeyed, a gradually expanding semicircle with the woman and feline at one end. The cat had clearly had enough; she jumped down and ran between the legs of several bystanders. The woman sat, hugging herself and staring at the crowd with wide eyes.

“It’s all right, fellas,” said Armed Justice, picking at the red stains in her robe and holding his finger up for inspection. “It’s just paint. She’s not hurt.” He turned worried eyes back to the woman. “At least, not physically.”

From the back of the crowd, a gleaming android said, “The real question is how she got here.’”

“Oh, she must have wandered in from another class,” said Knitizen Kane, patting down his combover and advancing, puffed with false bravado, to take the woman’s hands in his own. “You came from the art class; didn’t you, sweety?”

“She’s not your sweety, sugar,” came the sultry voice of a female siren. Sarcasm dripped from the last word. Her power suit was sharp enough to cut metal, her bun severe, and her tone so cold that the temperature dropped several degrees when she spoke. “Endearments by men to women they don’t know is condescending and another form of misogyny.”

The older man rolled his eyes. “Gimme a break, Feminist! I know you see sexism everywhere, but let’s just help this young lady-”

“Knitizen Kane,” interrupted the Feminist. “She is NOT a young lady. She’s at least thirty; this is another clear example of-”

“Quiet, both of you!” said Armed Justice. “We’re here to help this woman, not bicker among ourselves.”

“Now, everyone, let’s just try to get this woman some help; OK?” said a small blond. She moved the crowd aside with a gentle nudge. “Armed? Knitizen? Why don’t we just ask her?” She crouched before the woman. “What’s wrong? Do you need us to take you somewhere? A hospital? Home?”

The woman stared at the crowd, a motley crew in spandex and cotton, and finally focused on the blond woman’s face. “Yes, I… who are… I mean, where am I?”

The other woman smiled to put the stranger at ease. If she doesn’t know where she is, she thought, she must be pretty far gone. “This is ‘Sewing for Supers 101′,” she replied. “What class are you taking?”

“Class?” She seemed confused. “I’m not… I’m an artist.”

“That explains it,” came a reply from the crowd. The blond looked around but couldn’t place the voice. She scowled.

“OK, you’re an artist,” she said, turning back to the woman. “What’s your name? Maybe we can help you home.” Or the nearest mental facility, she thought.

“Alice,” said the woman. Suddenly, she laughed – a harsh, racking sound that echoed off the walls. “And it seems I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole!”

“Hello, Alice,” replied the blonde. “Nice to meet you. I’m Vegan Avenger. She pointed to a pin on her green leotard; it said ‘I have an appetite for justice’.

“Hey, Metalhead,” said Feminist, contemplating the android through narrowed eyes. “Why don’t you research this? Something in that hard skull of yours should be able to figure out where this woman belongs; right?”

“My super hero alias is ‘Metallic Fury’,” said the shining silver android, “and I’ve already analysed the situation.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” asked Knitizen Kane.

“You didn’t ask.”

**All episodes listed here.

**Look for the next exciting installment of Pinholesnext Tuesday, same cat-time, same cat-channel… uh, blog. I mean, blog.

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In the words of the Guide, “Don’t Panic!” because Towel Day is finally here. For those of you who don’t know, Towel Day is an annual celebration of the life and work of writer Douglas Adams, most famously known as the author of the series The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. This year, as part of my annual celebration, I am participating in the Towel Day Blogfest hosted by L.G. Keltner. In fact, they created the image to the right, so be sure to stop by the blog to say thank you.

My contribution is going to be suggestions for celebrating Towel Day.

First and foremost, if you haven’t read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY READ IT NOW! Barring that, you could at least acquaint yourself loosely with the material by looking up a synopsis or watching the movie or the BBC mini-series. But it’s a thin book! You could probably sit down and read it in a couple hours; it’s only about 46,000 words long or about as thick as the pinky you extend while observing Brownian motion in a hot beverage (say a nice cup of tea).

Now, fans of Adams wear a towel conspicuously throughout the day, because, in the words of The Guide,

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

My son and I observe Towel Day every year; we even have special towels that we use especially for this day (photo below). If you are so inclined, you can post photos of you (and possibly other hoopy froods) with your towel on the Flickr Towel Day page.

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You can find suggestions and (hopefully) local celebrations by visiting the official Towel Day site, but here are a few of my favorites.

1. Wear pajamas and/or bathrobe along with your towel, at home or abroad. If it’s good enough for Arthur Dent, it’s good enough for me.

2. Try to make the perfect sandwich.

3. Make a Terran version of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. My son and I made some one year; it was a challenge coming up with Terran AND non-alcoholic versions of the ingredients. We used things like a candy shaped like a tooth for the tooth of the Algolian Suntiger, things like that, and served them up in funky glasses.

4. Read excerpts from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and watch either the movie or the BBC television series. I’ve decided that popcorn is the perfect food to go with the PGGB’s (from suggestion #3).

5. Write some Vogon Poetry with the help of the Vogon Poetry generator.

6. Use lingo from the books all day long.

Of course, Douglas Adams wrote more than just the Hitchhiker’s series, so you might want to delve into some of his other work. Dirk Gentley’s Holistic Detective Agency is brilliantly funny, and Last Chance to See calls our attention to our responsibilities to the world around us, albeit in a humorous way. Adams had a masterful wit that continues to have impacts in the world today. If you haven’t read the books, read them and discover what you’ve been missing. If you have, take the time to remember a wonderful author and person.